2011 already?!!

I have not kept up with this blog as well as I thought I would! Time is flying! I have a draft saved from Thanksgiving, but now that it is Christmas I guess that will be moved into the trash bucket. One reason it is hard to keep up lately is sickness has hit our family hardcore and it actually started Thanksgiving night when my husband (who btw has never thrown up in his life) got a violent stomach bug rendering him useless for a good 48 hours. This is also not a characteristic of Spence, he has so much energy that most sicknesses can't keep him down. It was sad and I felt helpless. This bug then reached my brother and sister-in-laws home starting with their kiddos and rounding to them. After about 3 rounds with the kids it moved on to my mother-in-law and then on to my daughter and finally to me. It is awful. I bet after reading this no one will ever want to sit by us again. It was inevitable though, we see each other pretty much everyday so it makes it hard (especially with kids) to keep 100% disinfected no matter how careful and it seems to br going around period. BUT...everyone is well now, so fear not!

New baby girl update: My last OB appointment was at 23 weeks, we call this the 'big' appointment since the doc was checking on all her developing organs to make sure they are growing/functioning correctly. She was measuring a pound (I was measuring 15!!yikes!) and using the doctors words "growing perfectly"! Every mom loves pretty words at a check up and he used many! I have been feeling great which I am so thankful for! The only snag is sleeping, I am getting into the uncomfortable stage and since the air is dry and a pregnancy symptom is a stuffy, dry nose I am relying on breathe right strips and a humidifier...glamorous huh?! My hubs says I'm cutest pregnant, so I never get embarrassed. It is so funny how pregnancy makes him so much more lovey dovey and mushy! Not that he isn't otherwise, but pregnant Kerri sure gets a lot of attention, yes, even through the mood swings which only make him laugh. He is my hotbodhandsome pants.
Audrey isn't quite sure what is going on as far as my growing belly. She is in learning mode and I fear we have confused her by calling my belly a 'belly' or 'baby'. She lifted daddy's shirt the other day pointing at his belly saying "baby!" So, we've quit trying to explain. She knows what a baby is outside of the womb and her mommy instincts have already kicked in without having a baby around, so I am confident she will be in love with new baby sister! She loves to take care of her stuffed animals by sharing her food and juice with them and taking them on a stroll. They have to sleep with her and when she wakes up, they come too. I think this has been my favorite age. She can't talk sentences yet, but it is so fun to sort of communicate! She is naturally so tender and sweet. We love her and can't wait to meet new baby! (I wish I could scream her name to everyone, but I made a promise to my hubby! Only 3 more months!)

Well...Christmas is almost here and a new year! It is refreshing to see so many people preparing for Christs birthday and remembering that because of this special birthday we have undeserving salvation! Praise his holy name! Jesus!


Love all the Shaw's

17 weeks and counting!

Yes, another baby Shaw is on her way! We couldn't be more thrilled! Being pregnant is such a surreal time for me. I thought that with a second I would maybe lose that, but nope! I am just as much in awe that something is growing in me as with our first.
The only thing I can't stand about pregnancy is the morning sickness and I tend to be more sick than a 'average' pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Audrey, I ended up in the hospital 3 times, once over 24 hours because of the severity of my sickness. I lost 10lbs and couldn't keep water down. This lasted until about 6 months and I was even taking Zofran to help. This time around wasn't as intense, but I was pretty sick for the first couple of months. I never lost weight, but didn't gain. The hard part about being sick this time is that I have another little person that depends on me to take care of her. I was determind to mentally block out how awful I felt in order to have the strength to take care of her. I cried often. I felt like I was either neglecting Audrey or baby in some way by not focusing 100% on either one. I guess that is somewhat how it will go from now on...balancing my time with two babies that I love equally.
This pregnancy is also special because my sister is pregnant and due around the same time! It is fun to call each other and relay our hardships and perks to one another! It's like a dream come true for my mom too, she is going nuts! She has fallen in love with embroidery and is just waiting to start on about a million projects for her newest grandchildren. She is a wonderful nana! Spencer and I have decided to wait til our newest daughter is born to tell her name and this drives nana crazzzzy! hahaha! It's fun and a test for me because I tend to tell her everything whether or not I intended to or not, she has powers over me. *sorry mom you can't put her name on things til after her birthday!*
So excited that Audrey gets a sister! I loooved having a sister! 17 weeks and counting!

Venezuela

My best blogs are written in my head at night when I can't sleep, but I am too tired to get up and find the laptop or go to our desktop. It is a shame because in my head they sound so well written and the grammar and spelling are perfect. I imagine someone like Morgan Freeman narrating it. Never turns out that way when I have the time to actually write. Anyway, I will attempt to pursue my blog even with all the grammar/spelling issues. It is good therapy, and at least my mom reads it. This blog I wanted to finally share about my trip to Venezuela!

Since this is my blog, I can say anything I want, so I will tell you about the trip in terms of what happened to me personally. Just to let you know though, there are so many other great things that I witnessed God doing in the lives of the people there and on our team, but I want to share about my breakthrough.

I had mentioned in a previous blog my fears of going; I never mentioned my fears of not going. This trip was such a big decision for me. I say for me and not "us" for a reason. My husband didn't share the same fears as I, and, with him being a man and a man of our home lead him to feel differently. My fears weren't just with leaving my one-year-old daughter, it was also a fear of disobedience. I never got a sense of a 'right' or 'wrong' choice, but Satan sure made me feel that way with filling my mind with lies. I became confused with my role...either on mission or a wife and mother, because the Bible calls us all to Go and also calls us to be a witness with our roles as wives and mothers. Obviously, I had a skewed view of what that meant. I kept feeling so torn, feeling guilt for one choice or the other. Finally, with prayer and the advice from a mentor, I decided to go. After I had made the decision and the funds were in, about a week before we were to leave I got attacked major. I asked for prayer from our church family and began to see a theme show up EVERYWHERE! To pray, pray, pray and to cry out to Him with every fear! The beauty of going on a foreign trip is that it almost makes it easier to do that. I mean...it was literally all I had. I had no other comforts to put in the place of God. Yes, my husband, but this was bigger than him and he can't always offer me the comfort that my Jesus can. Let me tell you about some instances were God answered prayers for me in that 12 days.

The second we landed I turned on my phone to call home...we had traveled all night and I just wanted to check on my baby. My phone wouldn't work. I had talked to our provider on several occasions to make sure this didn't happen and it did. We had another 8 hour bus ride to our actual destination. The bus was old and full of exhaust that there was literally a haze in the cabin and it was very crowded with our team and the locals that came to greet us. It was so awful we were all coughing and hacking. The bus broke down about 5 miles away from the airport we landed in...meaning a new, better, safer bus was on the way. We had to wait 5 hours for it, but it was so much better. I slept the whole way to our hotel, which meant I didn't worry about the phone and Audrey the whole time. Since we were arriving later than planned because of the bus situation we lost our reservation. Initially, Spence and I were supposed to be separated at night because we had one single female and male on our team. Because we lost the reservations, we ended up together. Later that evening, I was able to fix my phone and call home...phone worked the whole time. Traffic laws are not obeyed there nor do they have seat belts in the backseats (I really don't know why this is) they also drive way too fast. I was always with Spencer and we only had to travel 2 hours away twice and the rest of the week we stayed within 30 min. Little, but significant things like this happened all day everyday! I honestly believe I witnessed God answer prayers for me and brought me home safely from a violent country that I'd never been to, to show me that He is in control and is sovereign. I needed to turn my fear into faith. I came home feeling like my life was literally saved. It was a miracle. I also bonded with my husband that week in ways that we may not have otherwise. I came home with a new understanding of my role as a wife, mother, and servant of Christ. I don't think I will be going on anymore foreign trips for awhile, but I am on mission here and part of that is showing His love through being a wife and mother. Foreign missions is a passion of mine, but I now know that I can go without going through prayer and hopefully once our children are grown take more opportunities. There is plenty of mission work to do in our backyards, but I am so glad I went on this one!

Oh ya...one more thing...The day we got back from our trip, I found out I was pregnant with our second daughter!

Our God is an awesome God!

Marriage

Yesterday our Pastor, Bill Hulse, spoke about one of my favorite things…marriage. We are doing a rich study of the book of Matthew and we are in chapter 5 where Jesus is fulfilling the law. This sermon was so great (in my opinion it was the best yet) because he communicated it well and simple, making it even more potent to the congregation. Of course, I will be paraphrasing and expressing my favorite points of the sermon, but if you are interested and wish to hear Pastor Bill’s sermon, please send me a message and I can send you a cd. I think I wanted to blog about this particular sermon because it seems to be wedding season and there is great truth that our society has lost the purpose of marriage. We as a body of Christ and as believers need to correct this lie and be examples and understand what marriage was created for.

First, we were brought to the reality that we (meaning even Christians) have made marriage a joke. Spencer and I had agreed to try to avoid sarcasm, belittling, name calling, or anything else that may seem harmless while dating. This teasing seems harmless, but in fact can creep in and cause damage. When Spencer and I were preparing to get married many people said things like, “you just wait till your honeymoon is over and you’ll wish you were single again!”…this is a huge pet peeve of mine. Those same people say those discouraging things when we were about to have our daughter…and I can’t help but try to lovingly disagree. It blows my mind. And honestly, I don’t think they would intentionally mean to be discouraging, but they have bought into ‘worldly’ teasing without realizing that it is unhealthy. See, I believe that when you joke or make fun of those wonderful blessings God gave us, we let Satan in, and subtly we fall away from God’s intentions.

We then went to Genesis to the first marriage, Adam and Eve. (Genesis 2:18-25) God says that it isn’t good for man to be alone and after he created all the animals, there still wasn’t a helper suitable for Adam. So, then out of Adam’s side God takes one of his ribs and makes Eve. When Adam wakes up from his surgery he said and understood that they were one flesh. Oh and another cool thing that I learned was a tradition that EVERYONE keeps at wedding ceremonies…also found in that chapter. It says in verse 22, “The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man and BROUGHT HER TO THE MAN.” There you go. So when our fathers walk us down the aisle and the pastor asks “who gives this woman to this man” know it’s because God did it first. More proof that marriage isn’t something we made up, God designed it and designed it to have a purpose. Cool stuff!
‘One flesh’ is an example used to not only describe our marriage on earth, but our marriage to Christ. This is the purpose of marriage and why God created it. It is a ministry. It shows a picture and lets us understand intimacy. If we didn’t have this example it would be hard to know that type of relationship with our heavenly Father.

Back in Matthew 5:31, Jesus talks about divorce and references Deuteronomy 24:1-4 where Moses talks about divorce and the right men have to leave their wives. There are two schools of thought because of how Moses communicates this and what it says in Matthew. Obviously our society has a skewed view of divorce because the statistics are staggering, but that is not what they are talking about when referring to it in the bible, there is more…and even the Pharisees tried to justify when testing Jesus in Mark 10. They start questioning Moses’ statement about just getting a certificate of divorce and still being righteous, but Jesus comes back saying in my pastors words, “it is a heart issue”, meaning just because you do the acts to get a “correct divorce” doesn’t mean you fixed anything…the problem is a hardened heart. And Jesus also states that because we are made one flesh in marriage, “What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.” This answers their question of whether or not is makes divorce ‘right’.
Now…as much as I believe that divorce is wrong, I know that there are circumstances that divorce is seemingly the best option and also that it falls within biblical parameters. I am not speaking about that. But, the last thing my pastor said was profound, true, and forgotten. God restores!

Acarigua or Bust!!

I mention in our “about me” that our hearts are geared towards missions. We often talked about missions while we were dating, even though it was a short dating period, we shared our hearts. Spreading God’s message around the world was something we were both passionate about. Spencer and I have both been to foreign countries to serve the Lord, Spencer to Egypt and Mozambique, and I to Belize. If you have gone on a foreign mission trip I am sure you can relate when I say it is absolutely life changing. I say this about foreign mission trips only, because you are completely stepping out of comfort zones and leaning on your relationship with God to guide you through. I am not saying mission trips inside the U.S. aren’t effective for your walk with Christ or meaningful, but there is something about completely leaving everything you know and walking into a different world. It opens up a way to be more intimate with our Father. For me, it was eye opening to really grasp that God is everywhere. It amazed me to see believers, who I went to tell about Jesus, already worshiping the same God I knew! And because someone else had sacrificed their time, fears, and flesh to go and tell others about Jesus, I and others were able to see God’s work and help continue to grow the Kingdom. There is something else that I saw with those who were believers that was actually condemning. Most of the people didn’t have nice things or even a complete home to live in, but they were sold out to Christ. They didn’t need anything else. It was a true love for Christ I saw even in the midst of what we would call desperation. I know I am talking about how others ministered to me. I am sure you have heard many missionaries tell you the same thing about how they went to minister only to be ministered to. It is true. Yes, there are so many people who need to hear the Truth about God’s love also, which is why we go, but there is also a growth and a deepening of your own relationship with Christ.

Since we’ve been a married couple, we haven’t been on a trip, but soon that is all about to change. Our home church, Parkview Baptist Church in Tulsa, is also passionate about mission work and has ministries set up in Venezuela, Russia, India, and Turkey. Spencer and I feel led to be apart of the team going to Venezuela this summer. Our church has made many trips there over the years and has helped start what is now known as the First Baptist Church of Venezuela! This church has blossomed out to now form 100 churches and missions! We are very prayerful and excited about going as a couple to this trip. We both feel that we are to use what God created, marriage, as a tool. We hope and feel led to really grasp what God intended marriage for as we venture in His unfailing will for our lives.

I am writing this blog so that those of you who are believers can be praying for us as we prepare for this trip. For me specifically, pray for my fear. We will not be able to take our one-year-old daughter on this trip for safety reasons (although we do want her and our future children to start coming with us as soon as she/they are old enough). The duration of the trip is 10 days, and for a mommy, it is very difficult to be away from my daughter. I need to be confident in the sovereignty of God and His will for my/our life. As our friend Brent Higgins once said, “There is no safer place than in the will of God.” I don’t want to waste my life by drowning in fear and lies that Satan feeds my mind. I wish to be engulfed with the works of our Father, and a mighty, useful servant for His Kingdom.

Music Man

What if you take away music? Think about it. I am not just talking about the music we sing to in the car, but from tv shows and movies too. How boring would it be?
My first date with my husband was kind-of like a blind date. We had only talked on the phone for about a week. (Our story is unique and fun, but for sake of this blog I'm only giving the short version.) Anyway, I didn't realize he was a "music man", a good one, until after our date. So, you can't say I liked him for his guitar people! He is so brilliant at music. He is recognized for his amazing bass guitar talent, but he can play any instrument as if he'd been playing his entire life. I am only speaking of his ability to play...he is also brilliant at music theory. Having said all that, I have learned soo much about music. I can now pick out instruments and follow them in a song. I can name the instrument. I can understand how and why certain notes mesh with others in order to sound 'good' to us. I have also learned that it is so complicated. It is math. We often conversate over the 'why' and 'how' of music, which brings me to the question I asked in the beginning. I don't think we realize how music affects us. When we are watching that sappy love movie with the beautiful chords in the background working with the words in the scene it is the music that makes the words have meaning. Think about if in that same sappy movie the music was taken away...would the words mean as much? We use music to match whatever emotion we are feeling and it can be beautiful. I can't imagine how powerful the music will be like in heaven. I mentioned music being math. My husband brought that to my attention in a conversation...I asked how composers could think to do some of the things they put together, and he responded by simply saying, it was already created, just like math. Math isn't something that was created, it is only being 'figured' out and still is. This sat in my mind for a few days. It makes me think of those who believe in evolution over intellegent design (God). Anything that man has ever 'made' or 'invented' was already made by God, they just tapped into the knowledge. So talking about music, and how it surrounds us is a perfect picture of how God works. He is everywhere and it is only by Him that we even experience the brilliance of music. He created everything. I sometimes imagine God as this GIANT man that is peaking in our universe and to understand just how everything...I mean everything works within itself...I imagine him sucking in everything, until there is nothing. That may be hard to follow, but in my mind it helps to understand. You can pull apart and dig and research all the processes to a process to a process of something, but it still has God stamped all over it no matter how simple it may be. So, this new thinking as opened up a whole new way for me to appreciate my Creator and acknowledge his divine intellegence.

Work It Out

Lately, I've been trying to lose the last 10lbs from my pregnancy with Audrey, it is not easy. I have my good days and bad. I can get really really motivated and tell myself to eat good and exercise more than normal and I go real hard, but I am easily distracted and then left with guilt and remorse and no change. For some reason I don't have much self discipline in that area, I never really thought about it either...until I had a baby. There are a couple of reasons I yearn to lose that 10lbs. One, to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Two, I set a goal and it would be an awesome feeling to accomplish it. Finally, when you are losing weight you tend to eat better and exercise more, which in turn makes you feel better all around. I want to one day be that health nut and hopefully will encourage my children to follow in good decisions as well. It just makes you happy when your body is healthy....of course I have to put a little Jesus in this...lol. This also relates to being in the Word. When you have that self-discipline and are on with reading the Bible you feel good and radiate a happiness that you can't get anywhere else. For me personally, when I am not in the word regularly or I'm 'distracted' I feel gross and far away from God. And like when you've stopped working out for a few weeks and come back, you kind-of have to start all over and work out some soreness (spiritual soreness) for a few sessions.
These past few weeks have been hard on my family. My father-in-law is in ICU on life support. It is strange coincidence that I wrote my last blog about rejoicing the Lord in the hard times and grieving the night before all this went down. My husband and his family have a perception that has touched my life forever. The trust that they have in Jesus is known and shown clearly and although this is the kind of situation that seems to test that trust and can be hard to really see and understand just how much Jesus loves them, still they rejoice because they love Him and know that whatever happens it is for the glory.
I said all that at the beginning because although I have been ministered to by watching my family, I had also been distracted. It has been a busy week with family in and juggling with 5 babies under 2 that I wasn't in the word. Not that I didn't pray, gee whiz, but in order to communicate to God you have to be in His word and I can tell when I am not. Much like taking care of your body, when you aren't working out your spiritual body you tend to feel bad and fall in a rut. Today was the first day back to church since the incident and I was rejuvinated and motivated(one reason why it is so important to go to church). I also believe that when your body is healthy it helps your spiritual walk (mind, body, spirit is all connected), but that too is another blog for another day. I find that with me, working out and reading my bible are alike in that, I have high goals to achieve with both, they require self-discipline, and they have great results!

Rejoice!

Some of what I have been trying to say in bits and pieces of my blogs I found in a perfect summary. I read this, and immediately wanted to share it! I was reading "Rejoice" by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley (book 4 of the "Redemption Series") and the first three chapters made me so nauseous that I didn't want to read anymore. Even though these books have such a real grip on understanding the truth of God's love through real life scenarios, this one just got to me. If you know me, you know that I struggle with fear and worry. I have to constantly be on guard for satans attack on my mind. Anyway, I still wanted to read the book, but I had to know if everything worked out...so...I skipped to the end. When I was looking through the end notes to get back to the story I caught this...

"God understands grief. Jesus wept when he saw the crowd's response to Lazarus in the tomb. Death, illness, and painful trials were never God's intention for his people. Since the fall of man, it has been the way of the world. But even so, God gives us a way out of the misery.
Be joyful! Rejoice always!
This doesn't mean you'll never cry. To the contrary, if your heart is soft for God, you'll cry often. You'll weep when it's your turn to stand vigil at a hospital bed, or when you stand there on behalf of someone else. But if you make a decision to rejoice, then deep inside you will always have a reason to go on, a reason to get up in the morning. Your grief won't be that of a person without hope; rather you will grieve because pain and death and tragedy are sad. Very sad. But you will have hope because you believe the truths that go along with faith in Christ. God is in control...He has a plan for everyone who loves him...Death is merely a door for those who believe in him...And he will make good out of every situation.
See?
What other response could we have to that kind of God but joy?"
-Gary Smalley

This was at the back of the book as "A Word from Gary Smalley." It really spoke to me and it is the truth. This world is scary and bad things have been happening all over the place, but we 'Rejoice' because our God is King and for whatever reasons that we don't understand it is all apart of His perfect plan! But, that is why it is so important for us to 'relate' to one another to get through the 'hard' of life and to love one another....and why we need to be saved, so that we can be with that God for eternity because there will be one day soon that we won't grieve, be scared or worried or cry, but REJOICE and sing and dance and laugh in our new glorified bodies with hopefully our loved ones! He told us these things in the bible for a reason...so that we can rest.

The Victory

I always catch myself thinking about heaven and the day when Jesus is to return, and I get really wrapped up in trying to figure it out. Obviously, we won't know til the end, but the Bible tells us of many events (or revelations) that are to take place that we can only imagine details about. It BLOWS my mind. I may just let my fingers get kerried away and hope that I make sense to you. This blog kind-of ties into my salvation blogs...

The book of Revelation in the bible is one of the hardest to read. Not only because it is condeming, but it is flat out scary. Especially when you get to all of God's judgements. First with opening the seven seals, then the seven trumpets, then the Bowl judgements. I mean people are killing each other, the sun turns black and the moon turns blood red, the stars fall to the earth!! This is really going to happen. (I do believe though that the saved aren't here to experience this wrath.) Who's team do you want to be on? Then there is the great white throne judgement where we are ALL judged for our sins on earth and if your name isn't written in the Lambs Book of Life you were judged and thrown into the lake of fire (Hell) But then....the saved see all things made new! A new heaven and earth and a new Jerusalem. We get to walk with God and "...He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will be no longer any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." Revelation 21 :4. Finally, we can relax from reading the previous chapters that make our hearts beat fast, stomach turn, and our shoulders tense. The reason and truth behind why we are to follow Christ... to have eternal life with Him. Everything on earth is temporary. Now is our chance to be the Christians we are called to be and to help lead others to Christ, so they too will have eternal life. It seems so simple to have our names written in that book of life. The bible says that if we confess our sins and believe that Jesus died for us, and ask Him into our hearts we are saved (saved from Hell). The bible also says that we are to bear fruit in keeping with repentance, meaning the fruit is what is our good works on earth. We have to continuously repent for our sins, because we are sinners. That is why it is so important to grow in Christ and have that relationship with him. We aren't to stay stagnant in our walk, but continue to learn and grow. That is the 'hard' I was talking about in a previous blog. It is a daily battle to win against sin and our flesh, but we have been given a full set of armor. No amount of sin can keep us away from Him, but it is written all over the bible that we are to grow. It also doesn't matter what sin you have committed. Nothing can keep you from the love of Christ. All we are to do is know that He is Truth and admit we are unworthy. Remember when Jesus was dying on the cross and the guy next to him was being crucified for being a thief and he said to Jesus I believe in you and Jesus then said, "today, you will be with me in paradise?" What a statement Jesus made just then. Sure he will be judged (because God is a just God), but he now has eternity instead of death and all he did was acknowledge that Christ was who He said He was. Here is the real verse...Luke 23:42-43 "....And he was saying, 'Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!' And He said to him, 'Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.'"
I think too, we all need to really grasp the reason why Jesus had to die. I think that unsaved...and some saved all know that Jesus died for our sins, but the reasons exactly why are left unclear and it is easy to walk away. It is simple. Our God is a just God. He is perfect. We can't fathom perfection, because we haven't seen it, but He is. When Adam and Eve sinned the punishment was death He warned them of that. That was what we call the "Fall" of man. It is our own fault that disease, death, hunger, sadness, loss, depression, you name it has filled our earth. We did that, not God, He gave us freewill. See, Adam and Eve were made perfect in order to be in His presence. A perfect God can't be with something that isn't. That is why there is separation now. So, God sent a son to die for us so that we have a chance to be renewed and so that He is still just. His son was crucified for you and me!! He took our place so that we don't have to die and get what we deserve...Hell! God loves us, and He made a way and is still a true, good, loving, perfect God. So to answer so many peoples question of "If God loved us why won't He save us?" HE DID!!! Unfortunately, we all have to die on earth, but that isn't our end. There will be a day that Jesus returns and "the dead in Christ (those loved ones who have died that have been saved) will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and we shall be with the Lord." 1Thessalonians 4:16-17
Oh goodness, I could go on and on! I haven't even touched on Paradise and Hades! That is another blog for another day!
In the mean time, I encourage all of us to examine our lives and make sure that we are glorifying that perfect God who saves us and to read our bibles!

God Is Love

Well hello, all. So I'm still new to writing down (typing rather) thoughts that sail through my noggin box. In spite of said 'newness', it was easy to decide what to write (type) about. Okay, write = type...
I want to write about my wife. We have only known each other a couple of years, and in that short time together, I have seen her change so much.
Right off it was simple to see that she was a beautiful and amazing creature that would no doubt care for my future children and home. I also was very confident that my spousal relationship would be one of great companionship. I was correct. But underestimate did I. Kerri has become a best friend that boasts of legend. I believe now that it is impossible for me to explain the kind of bond a husband and wife can have. Now don't get carried away. Kerri and I have plenty of work to do in growing in our relationship, but I am saying that I never imagined being this happy. Jesus Christ is the reason being. Kerri and I both knew and talked about what we desired in a marriage while we were dating. We both knew that as long as we kept Jesus Christ in the center, our marriage would flourish. To me, the center means that anytime we 'relate' (touch, talk, listen, act) we emulate Jesus' example. This means loving her unconditionally.

There is a great truth that plays a part here. Kerri is part of God's creation. Furthermore, she is one of his children, a Christian, and therefore my sister in Christ. Under his authority, we are one flesh. God Himself, stepped into our physical realm to sacrifice His Son, so that Kerri could be in fellowship with Him. He did this in spite of all sin Kerri has committed, or will commit. When I focus on this truth, I cannot help but be the sweetest most compassionate husband I can think to be. I see her for what God has made her and in turn can channel His love into her. This is Jesus at the center. However, I can not boast this all the time. Without God I am incapable of love. It takes walking in God's Word and 'relating' with him first to allow His love to pour into her through me.

The changes I've seen in Kerri have everything to do with these things I speak of. I can look back at where we were when we first met and see a constant climb up, striving for a likeness to the love that God showed us. I am so blessed to have her in my life, and I am so excited for the things God has to teach us in the future.

books, books, books

I wasn't ever really much of a reader growing up, maybe because I had to read for school and to read for pleasure just didn't exist. But, I love to read now! I love inspirational, spiritual, fiction, and romantic books. I thought I would let you in on my latest find...

My mother-in-law got me a book called "Redemption" by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley, it is part of a series (The Redemption Series). I read it, loved it, and went to get the rest! I am almost finished with the third ( I have a problem of starting several books at the same time so sometimes it takes me a while to finish) there are five in the series. I keep thinking that it is going to get slow and boring, but she really keeps you wanting more! It is inspirational, spiritual, fiction, and romantic! My favorite combination! This is my first time reading her work and I want to read every book she ever wrote. I haven't met anyone who doesn't love them. I need to give some credit to Gary Smalley too, I am eager to read some of his books as well.

I am also loving the devotional "Jesus, 90 days with the One and Only" by Beth Moore. It is great for busy people because there isn't much homework and it is like a nice wind down for evenings before bed.

I have a GIANT book list, I have a goal to read 8 books by Easter. Hoping by letting others in on my goal I will actually do it. I hate when I say I will do something and start out real strong and then fall off. It gets on my own nerves. So, I will let you know when I finish!

If you have favorite books, comment and tell me! I love to hear peoples favorites!

ANGELS!

Angels are cool. I love to just let my mind go and try to contemplate them. Of course, I am talking about God's angels, not evil angels (demons), they give me the creeps and I do not think good things about them. The verse in Hebrews says that we may entertain angels without even knowing! I think about that a lot! Goes along with what I was talking about the other day with being kind and loving others. Also reminds me of the story of "Beauty and the Beast."( only we don't get turned into a beast, just judged in the end). I sometimes go overboard and think that I can catch them....for instance, I went to wal-mart (imagine that) one day just to pick up a couple of things. I left Audrey with Spence hoping it would be a quick trip. So, I had that wal-mart attitude to avoid everyone, stay focused, and get out. I came to the checkout only to have the chatty cashier, of course, right?! She was that sweet girl that was overboard with peppiness, I got annoyed fast. A few minutes into her compliments and short talk it dawned on me....she could be an angel and I am being rude!! I immediately changed my attitude and enjoyed the last minutes with her, walking out confident that I just met an angel. I get home and tell my husband what I found, he just chuckled. We later had the conversation again only to remind me what the verse said, we don't know that we entertain them and that it was probably my conscious (the holy spirit) that was telling me to be nice. I felt very silly, I really did think I caught one in disguise. I can't wait to really see one! I've been studying a little about them, they are just neat to learn about. They are all around, protecting us, watching, and even disguising themselves. It is overwhelming if you really start thinking about that spiritual warfare going on all around us. I look forward to the day that we too will join in with our Maker and fight for victory!

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:2

Good = Hard

Losing weight, exercise, studying, working, eating healthy, relationships, quitting harmful habits ( I'm sure you can add to the list)...what do these things have in common? They are all good for us, but require self-disipline and hard work, right?
For me, relationships, is one I have the hardest time with. Over the years, I have learned a few reasons why, but I still need to be reminded. It is an amazing gift just to be able to 'relate' to one another in the first place.
Relationships with others are needed in our lives and can be blessing. And a relationship is required to know our Creator. A relationship is being connected to someone, whether it be romantically or platonic. ( Just to clarify though, I am not speaking of boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage relationships in this blog) Sometimes there are relationships that are a little more challenging than others, and frankly I think we, Christians, have fumbled at being examples of how to love the unlovable (hard to love). We can only do this in Christ, not on our own, "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides (remains) in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:5. For those who are skeptical of Christianity because of hurt feelings and such, know that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." Romans 3:23 , it is "hard" to be Christlike and easy to fall into sin. "For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matthew 7:14, meaning that it is real hard to follow Christ, but don't the things that we work so hard for always result in victory and accomplishment? Through the Word of God (the bible), we have all the information, inspiration, motivation, guidelines, and examples to learn how to truly love each other.
Back to those difficult relationships... We are commanded to love one another, but we can't without loving God with our everything..."'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39.
These are commandments. I need to learn to love others with patience, forgiveness, kindness, and goodness, like Jesus showed so that I may show my love to Him. "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34 &35. And to love those unlovables doesn't neccessarily mean you have to fully engage with them, it may mean just showing kindness, and maybe forgiveness in your heart towards them. To love others is just to love. God is love, so if I am following Him that love should radiate. For example, a few months back I went to the tag agency to get a tag for our car. I am new to this town and I am not familiar with the set up in this particular agency. There were several lines filled with people, so I just sat (I had Audrey with me) to wait on the lines to clear. I got sidetrack looking out the window and staring that I hadn't noticed I was being called to the front. "YO", yelled the worker trying to get my attention, and oh man did my blood begin to boil! I went to her practically growling and corrected her by saying, "you call me ma'am!". Throughout our transaction, she continued to be extremely rude and I left so angry and upset at how I was treated, my first reaction was to call her manager....and I did. I called only to find out she was the manager, and talked to someone under her, only to feel pathetic and embarrased. I hadn't done anything but give her the point for getting under my skin and ruining my day and if she had known I was a Christian, I just ruined my witness. What I should have done was be patient and understanding. For all I know she could have been having a horrible day, much less life. I had no idea what her homelife was like, and her job had to be boring and repetitive. Instead I ruined my chance to show her that true love, that hope. It sounds corny, but it is true and what we are all called to do. That is loving the unlovable (because it is so hard, it reaps good things). I could have prayed a silent prayer and left saying, "I hope you have a better day, " rather than, "I am calling your manager!" Oh goodness, I feel worthless. haha! That is only one example too...there are so many times that I reacted out of selfishness, and what am I left with...nothing.
Like I said, I am in practice at learning how to respond in a Godly love rather than a foolish love.

The Joys of Motherhood

I love being a mommy so much! I was thinking the other day of all the JOYS that come with motherhood...like...
- the ability to do squats with 17lbs in one arm 1000 times a day
- the ability to use my feet and toes like two extra hands
- seeing your baby pick up something you do (like waving)
- the ability to eat while feeding her
- the ability to sleep anywhere and anytime
- folding her little clothes
- watching her grow and learn
- getting a nice headbutt when she loses balance
- always wearing clothes with spit up or slobber on them
- running to wal-mart all the time for something
- picking out outfits and trying them on her (may not be her favorite)
- laughing with her
- getting my face pulled and tugged on
- being the one she needs
- rocking her to sleep
...there are so many more little things that I could add to the list, but it would be way too long. I am so thankful for our daughter.

Wordless Wednesday

Worry

I feel like the queen of that title, worry. It's no wonder with what is happening all around us. We have fallen on extremly hard times. I feel like there is no escaping. As I grow my family, my worry seems to sometimes overtake the joy of having a family, and I begin to doubt the Truths that I know. So, this blog is dedicated to those truths in the Bible to remind me/us that we aren't to worry and that God loves us and wants us to enjoy life. No matter what happens, good or bad, all the glory goes to Him. I need to praise Him for the difficult times just as much as the good times. Here are some verses that I lean on to help me remember that I don't have to worry...

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you. Deuteronomy 3:22

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Wrath of Old Man Winter

Oh man I'm not going to lie, we are snowed in and it is wonderful!! I love to be stranded with my little family! We have been having a slumber party in our room since Thursday night! I am glad we have power, but I don't think it would change anything if we didn't.
It is so beautiful outside too! I am not one for winter weather, but it sure can take your breath away when everything is covered in white snow, it somehow makes everything look new.
Well...I am off to enjoy more time with my family!

Salvation cont'd....

So, yesterday I shared my personal salvation testimony. Today, I want to share the next step I took. Remember, some ideas are what I think and believe, I am by no means a theologian nor a Bible scholar, I am in practice and thirsty for a deeper knowledge. Doing this blog forces me to study and dig to find things I didn't/need to know, and I am then only sharing what I learned, not preaching. I do not ever want to misrepresent the Word of God, which is one reason I input verses that I get my ideas from. My opinion is only to reflect where I am currently in my Spiritual walk. What is written in the Lambs Book of Life is the Truth, but what condemns me may not hit you the same way, I am only sharing my own testimony.

Okay, I ended yesterday saying that I rededicated my life to Christ in college. The bible says that the next step after accepting Jesus as our savior is baptism.
In Matthew 3:13-16 Jesus models the step of baptism for us. Here is the breakdown...Jesus goes to John the Baptist to be baptized, and John didn't think it was appropriate since Jesus was perfect, why would he need to be baptized? He had nothing to repent. But, Jesus responded by saying, "Permit it at this time; for in this way it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness." So basically, Jesus is identifying with us sinners because He was to die for our sins, it represented His death and resurrection. My bible notes that it also signified a public affirmation of His messiahship by testimony directly from heaven. Wow, huh?! I just have to stop a moment and try to contemplate. I mean of all the Kings in history, do you know of one that would be so humble to consider Himself as one of us, a lesser being? Especially dirty rotten sinners?! I mean I could just see that scene, I bet mouths were opened and people were on their knees! Oh and not to mention the scene after he is baptized! Verse 16..."After being baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold the heavens were opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove and lightning on Him, and behold a voice out of the heavens said, [This is My beloved Son, in which I am well-pleased.]" Whoa Baby, right?! See! I learned something new that makes me fall in love even more with Him!
Moving on...I needed to be baptized. I had been baptized when I was younger, but I didn't understand, so I needed to be obedient now that I had understood. I was too embarrassed and didn't get baptized until this last summer. I had disobeyed, and I think that I suffered the consequence. I always felt like I was stuck, and I couldn't move forward, or that I was out of sorts, not good enough. I learned, after finally giving up my earthly worries of how I would look, that my life was renewed and that I was forgiven. Even though I accepted Jesus, not following up with being baptized crippled my thinking by leaving me clutching on to a lie that I wasn't forgiven for my life before. Baptism is important not only because Jesus said so, but it represents our repentance and our belief in Jesus Christ so that we may walk in "newness of life." Romans 6:3 -Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. Our old life buried (going under the water/Jesus dying on the cross) and a new life arises (coming out of the water/Jesus resurrecting on the third day.) That verse says that we are "baptized into Christ", into being the key word. We are united with Him as we are baptized. He ultimately suffered and literally died for our sins, while we only experience spiritual death and Resurrection. So, it is such an intimate response and a privilege to be united like that with our Savior.
I think that after I was baptized, the power and the meaning made so much sense, and gave me a freedom and understanding I didn't have before. We may not always know why we have to do things that we are to do, nor want to, but, when we are obedient we often find peace and a sense of understanding, which is such a blessing and brings us closer to our Father.

Salvation

I said that one of my goals is to share what God is doing in my life, so where better to start than the beginning. I assume most of you who read this know me, and that I am a Christian (southern baptist), but you may not know how, when, where, and why. I think it is important to tell your salvation testimony for a couple of reasons. First, to know what took place. Sometimes when we say/write things, we ourselves understand better, and lets face it, we are a religion that lacks knowledge of why we believe what we believe. (Not that you have to know and understand everything to become a Christian, but it is so important to know who our God is and why it is vital that we know Him.) Second, it is a tool for reaching the lost and confused. Some things I have learned about telling your salvation testimony is to keep it short, but know the key points. (I am still trying to learn that) For instance, you want the listener to hear what your life was like without Jesus and how your life has changed after you accepted Him. That is only a vague explaination, but I think you get my point. Of Course, the Holy Spirit will help direct you as different circumstances call for different approaches. Anyway, here is my attempt to walk you through my Christian walk so far....

I was so blessed to be raised by Christian parents, so I had a foundation to stand on. I grew up knowing who Jesus was and that He died for me, but I didn't really understand anything more than the intellectual facts, and bible stories. By high school I was going to church and very active in my youth group. I was probably a cliche' Christian teenager, I would go to Falls Creek and get my spiritual high only to come back for a week being a self-righteous jerk and slowly lose it. Not that I did horible things, but as far as being Christlike, I had no fruit and no real understanding, as far as I was concerned it was for a good reputation. (Galations 5:22-"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.": John 15:5-"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do NOTHING." : Matthew 3:8 -"Therefore bear fruit in keeping with repentance...") I walked through all the motions, but never got it... until college. I was at rock bottom, I was working to keep things in my life that didn't belong. I tried to control my own life. Well, it wasn't working. I was a miserable, lonely, self-conscious girl. I knew (from the example of my parents) that I needed Christ, but at this point I couldn't see past all of my selfish desires.
God placed a friend in the midst of all this 'mess of a life' I had made (she became one of my dearest friends) and through her faith, influence, and example I started to see an end to my misery. I started attending a church, self-conscious and very broken. (Matthew 11:28-29 - "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls") Every time I went, I left feeling hopeful, and my hardend heart started to become soft again. I finally returned to my Savior understanding what had been missing my whole life up until then, a relationship with Him. (Philippians 3:10 - that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." ) In this verse, Paul is saying we must have a deep intimate relationship with Christ in order to truly know Him; and what living for Him means. More proof that this idea wasn't about a reputation, rules for good morals, or just something to believe in, this, relationship, is Truth. Jesus wanted a relationship with me, so I rededicated my life to Him, but this time I knew exactly what I was saying. Was life just hunky dory after that? Absolutely not!!! Though my worldly circumstances didn't change, my heart and my perspective did. There will always be death, destruction, and hardships here on earth, but I can rest in the fact that I have been saved.

Shawked!

There have been a couple of things that have "shawked" me today. First, I never imagined that I would love to do this! I love tweaking and designing our page. Second, is a gross story. The last couple of days we have had an awful odor fill our house. If you know me at all you know that I HATE things that stink! The more days went by the worse it got and soon started smelling like a dead rodent. My worst fear (well not worst, but for sake of the story) I think is coming true, something is dead in my house! So, Spencer and I start sniffing for the source. We probably looked so ridiculous putting our noses everywhere, but I was determined. After a while, Spencer came to the conclusion that whatever it was had to be dead in a wall and that we couldn't do anything about it. I was so upset and a little disturbed that something was rotting in our walls, but I had to give it up for the night and go to bed.
The next day I had plans to make pork chops and potatoes. I went to grab the bag of potatoes and was "shawked" to find that they were in fact the source!! They had rotted and somehow became soupy. I was so glad that I found out the bad smell!! We did not have potatoes for dinner for those that may wonder.

Another goal I have for starting this blog is to share what is on my heart as far as what God is showing me. There are so many areas in my life and my walk with Christ that need TLC and growth. I probably won't be profound like some people, but I can be transparent and honest. My hope and prayer is that by sharing my heart I will speak to those of you who read this and that in doing so it will help to keep me accountable. I am excited!

Well, well, well...

I'm not one for social networking... it makes me nervous. However, my creative wife started this here site so that we can share what's going on in our lives with those who choose to take time to read. Hopefully this will be a way I can talk about what good things The Lord is doing without anybody getting mad at me for not writing on their wall.

Learning to Blog

Ok, so I have wanted to do this for a while, but I've always thought it was hard to start. I have a lot to learn, but I am pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to start. I am excited to share what my family is up to and my personal thoughts!! My goal is to do this everyday, so stay tuned. ;)
Oh...and Spencer and I both will be posting, so you get thoughts from both of us!! This color is me, and Spencer's is the yellow.